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My main roster (Neeekol in Sunydale) is full and I semi recently decided to attempt to complete the catalog 100 on my second character Penelope. So I shall be spending a lot of time under that character name instead of my Neeekol name. Thus Iapos;d like to add some people under this roster. If I have you on my Neeekol roster and you would like to be added to this one as well please comment with your friend code. Thanks

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You know how some people try to motivate you with tough love? Like my mom tells me how worthless I am and how little I contribute to the world and I�think (hope...) sheapos;s just trying to motivate me to fulfill my potential (because God knows Iapos;m not...). Well, Iapos;m not one of those people who feels pumped up and motivated when theyapos;re treated that way. I�just want to give up. I�think, "Youapos;re right. I�suck. I am completely worthless. I am sitting here on this planet contributing nothing and just sucking up the planetapos;s resources." Tough love doesnapos;t work on me and it never has. It never makes me want to fight. Thatapos;s not to say that I donapos;t end up fighting; I�always do, but only after a lot of self pity and self loathing and some turn-around time. So far I havenapos;t given up, but I feel like someday I will. As I age, I feel like that "someday" is getting nearer. Itapos;s not scary or sad... Itapos;s just embarrassing that I�know someday I will give up. And yes, I do mean "give up"�as in the ultimate way you can give up. And I know everyone will probably be better off when that day arrives. Itapos;s a sad truth, but itapos;s the truth nonetheless and I�pride myself on being able to face that truth and still continue on each day. Maybe I shouldnapos;t be proud of that, though. Maybe "facing" it and still living is pathetic. Whatever, the point is that I know I�will someday give up, and I�know it wonapos;t be a bad thing. Itapos;s just part of my "destiny," if you will. You know how people say, "Everyone is here for a reason"? Well, I donapos;t believe that bullshit. Some people are just worthless. I am one of them. I�know a few others, but I�donapos;t think theyapos;re in tune enough to realize it. This is not me saying Iapos;m suicidal because Iapos;m not. Donapos;t take it that way. This is just me reflecting on my life and its lack of purpose.�

I�donapos;t feel anything right now. I�keep having these apathetic moments (but longer than moments). I�donapos;t know where they come from. Thatapos;s a lie. I do. I�just donapos;t want to talk about it. So I donapos;t know why Iapos;m here talking about it...




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Barack Obama is a "transformational figure" according to colin powell, who just endorsed him on Meet the Press. Heapos;s summarizing a lot of the salient points of the campaign extemely well. Itapos;s a damned shame he got duped so hardcore by the bcf, cos i lost all respect for him back then, and iapos;m only giving him a small bit of credit right now. But heapos;s a smart guy who sees issues from a clear perspective; it sucks that heapos;s been marginalized---and that he marginalized himself---to the point he did.

powell is also talking about his decision to go before the UN. He sounds really good, very reasonable. And i think he *is* a reasonable guy, but he made a huge mistake with that speech. Itapos;s just another example of what happens when you cherry-pick half the stuff and filter out the other half. Even good, honest people can be duped. Of course, we also had record protests for the history of humanity, and their arguments were just ignored. But thatapos;s just the modern conservativesapos; m.o.: decide on a conclusion in advance, pick out only the stuff that supports it (no matter how crazy), ignore the other stuff (no matter how reasonable), get apos;er done.

powell just said: "i think we need a president who is a generational change, and thatapos;s why iapos;m supporting Barack Obama." itapos;s hard not to have a tad more respect for him, cos he actually gets the real issue in the campaign: we need huge, deep change, not superficial or silly. Iapos;m getting the east-coast feed, so itapos;s probably not online yet (or iapos;d link it), but if you get a chance, watch todayapos;s Meet the Press online. Itapos;s really interesting.

damn it, i missed SNL last night. Now i have to go find the tina fey stuff, and i canapos;t do it here cos my hosts would not appreciate it. Well, i hope iapos;ll remember to check it in portland...which is less than a week away. Thatapos;s so so weird. I guess i have to make it work.

by the way, Obama raised $150 million in september (and the dnc raised a bit more). People care, people are involved, people really want him to win. And thatapos;s good for them, because Obama is going to win. By a lot.

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Early morning, and already the dayapos;s not going according to plans.

Iapos;m going to be on my way to Philly in 25 minutes for a student summit and will be working non-stop for three days. I had to get up early and could not be late so I set three alarms to make sure Iapos;d be ready.

I had a dream this morning about someone harassing me at a bar. He wouldnapos;t stop, and eventually I got so angry that I started to hit him. It was one of those dreams where no matter how hard I hit it has no effect, so he keeps taunting me, causing me to beat him more and more. Eventually I picked up a chair and swung it at him, and still no effect.

I woke up with start all of a sudden remembering I had to wake at 6 AM. It was 6:02, no big deal. I began to think that perhaps I hit the snooze on my #1 alarm. I still had some time before I had to get up, so I got up and turned off alarm #3 - the big emergency annoying double-bell alarm that I HATE, and then went to bed expecting alarm #1 (snooze) and alarm #2 (text) to wake me up.

Alarm #1 was set incorrectly. I never went off.
Alarm #2 went off, but I never heard it each time.
Alarm #3 did go off, and made me angry.
Alarm #4 went off because I set off #1 incorrectly.

Morning filled with stressful dreams and annoying alarms. I want to go back to sleep.

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If every night shift were to be like last nightapos;s, I would be so glad.
Yesterday wasnapos;t that busy.
Didnapos;t feel tired at all.
In fact, when Iapos;m back from work, I find it so hard to fall asleep.
Maybe Iapos;m excited or I have too much energy in me.
Is last nightapos;s coffee that powerful? (I wonder)
I hope there wonapos;t be any admission in the night.
Weekends are here
Wishing for more peaceful nights :)


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No, seriously. He did. You can ask my friend Erica. She was there. Lol. We had front row for standing room only and he sang "Young Love" off of his new cd. He grabbed everyoneapos;s hand in the front row and stopped at me. Then he sang the last minute and a half of the song to me. He was first standing up, then he got down on his knees to finish the song. He was staring at me the entire time and winking. Yeah. I was embarrassed. Lol. Then. When the song was over. He kissed my hand. I just about died. Good times. Good times.
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So, I�was having a pretty off day ever since this morning. I�didnapos;t have a good nights sleep since I have a very irritating cold that seems to like me or something. Well anyway, I�had to wake up early, like every other day. I�almost missed my second bus to school, but thankfully didnapos;t. I�had what seemed like hours and hours of only three classes. Then at lunch Jared was no where to be found so my lunch was a little on the boring side, but I was able to manage with Kelso. After lunch I�had a paper to write in class, that took up so much of my time. But Iapos;m pretty sure it turned out good anyway. School got out, and I�was ready to munch on some Special K cereal I�brought from home, I�had the cereal and little carton of milk, but with no spoon. I�wandered into the SBO�and Patricia found me a spoon, so I�was thankful. But once I�got outside I�broke the fucking spoon and had to eat that shit with a fork. Then I�was 30 minutes late to freakinapos; night school, but itapos;s not like the teacher cares. Or itapos;s not like I�care for that matter. As long as Iapos;m in class to know whatapos;s due, then I�donapos;t care if Iapos;m late. But anyway... I�left class early to take the lightrail to Great Mall at around 6ish. And once I�got there, I�was going to get some Starbucks but thought "Eh.. Maybe later.."�So I�went over to this piercing place to take a look at their merchandise. I�wasnapos;t satisfied so I�headed back over to Starbucks to get a quick green tea latte then hurry my way over to the bus stop to go home since it was dark. So I�got to Starbucks and thought I�saw a familiar face, but brushed it off and went to order the latte. Thatapos;s when they told me they ran out of Matcha... Great. So the guy offered me a free grande drink. And me being me, I�took that offer. After I�got that, I�saw Mitch and RJ�from Supreme FREAKING�Soul dude... I�was feeling hella shy and nervous to ask them to take a picture but I�did it anyway because I�knew I�would kick myself in the ass later for not doing it. And they were hella nice (even though I�interrupted their school work time), and we took pictures. "We can have a photoshoot if you want"�-Mitch

HAHA.

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