amy dally cd

You know how some people try to motivate you with tough love? Like my mom tells me how worthless I am and how little I contribute to the world and I�think (hope...) sheapos;s just trying to motivate me to fulfill my potential (because God knows Iapos;m not...). Well, Iapos;m not one of those people who feels pumped up and motivated when theyapos;re treated that way. I�just want to give up. I�think, "Youapos;re right. I�suck. I am completely worthless. I am sitting here on this planet contributing nothing and just sucking up the planetapos;s resources." Tough love doesnapos;t work on me and it never has. It never makes me want to fight. Thatapos;s not to say that I donapos;t end up fighting; I�always do, but only after a lot of self pity and self loathing and some turn-around time. So far I havenapos;t given up, but I feel like someday I will. As I age, I feel like that "someday" is getting nearer. Itapos;s not scary or sad... Itapos;s just embarrassing that I�know someday I will give up. And yes, I do mean "give up"�as in the ultimate way you can give up. And I know everyone will probably be better off when that day arrives. Itapos;s a sad truth, but itapos;s the truth nonetheless and I�pride myself on being able to face that truth and still continue on each day. Maybe I shouldnapos;t be proud of that, though. Maybe "facing" it and still living is pathetic. Whatever, the point is that I know I�will someday give up, and I�know it wonapos;t be a bad thing. Itapos;s just part of my "destiny," if you will. You know how people say, "Everyone is here for a reason"? Well, I donapos;t believe that bullshit. Some people are just worthless. I am one of them. I�know a few others, but I�donapos;t think theyapos;re in tune enough to realize it. This is not me saying Iapos;m suicidal because Iapos;m not. Donapos;t take it that way. This is just me reflecting on my life and its lack of purpose.�

I�donapos;t feel anything right now. I�keep having these apathetic moments (but longer than moments). I�donapos;t know where they come from. Thatapos;s a lie. I do. I�just donapos;t want to talk about it. So I donapos;t know why Iapos;m here talking about it...




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